Love stories would be mundane. And trees, would simply be trees, and not props for some little peek-a-boo game with the special someone (cue Bollywood music).
Life without Bollywood, would simply be like biting on elaichi in your biryani. Utterly disgusting.
And for us Malaysian Bollywood die-hards, we are nowhere as fortunate as our Mumbai-residing fellow fans. We are not as privileged enough to catch a glimpse of our Bollywood idols in person.
Ever dreamt of catching Shahid Kapoor sharing the same bench press as you, in Celebrity Fitness? Well, dreams are meant to be dreams.
Nevertheless, being in Malaysia is not too bad after all. Throughout the years, Bollywood has graced our tanah tumpahnya darahku on several occasions.
Using the exact scene and locations in which these movies were shot in Malaysia, we were able to come up with the perfect Bollywood movie for fellow Malaysians, together with the film plot and scene locations.
Hence, with that, we present to you, your Yash Raj Films’ approved guide on how to shoot your very own Bollywood movie, right here in Malaysia.
Plot 1: The Introduction
Movie: FanaaLocation: KLIA
Original location:
Unlike your typical Bollywood movie, here, the hero is not the star of the show. In our adaptation, the villain, Rahul (nothing quite says Bollywood like the name, Rahul, of course), will be given the limelight. Think Shah Rukh in Don and Don 2. The movie begins as Rahul arrives in our very own KLIA. Dressed in an all-black suave outfit and slicked back hair, he begins to mastermind an attack in our backyard, but not before Vishal Dadlani’s emphatic voice takes over our senses, and the scene shifts to Rahul breaking out in a warrior like dance.
Plot 2: The Complication
Movie: Don 2Location: Malacca Jail
In the process of masterminding an attack over here, Rahul gets caught by the local police, as his Malaysian accomplice, Bob, was too kepohchi, and talked himself into trouble. Here, no amount of duit kopi would work to get Rahul and Bob out of their troubles. Next, the pair is sent to Malacca jail and a date is set for them to be hung. However, with our Rahul being no ordinary kapcai-riding, handbag snatching criminal, he escapes.
Plot 3: The Remorse
Movie: Humraaz
Location: KLCC and Tean Hou Temple
Original location:
Following his escape from prison, he heads back to KL. Here, Rahul regrets his past crimes and seeks to move on. Therefore, to atone for his sins, Rahul visits Tean Hou Temple. However, in a twist of Bollywood-esque fate, he meets Anjali.
Then, as KL’s traffic laden streets suddenly comes to a halt and rain begins to fall. The couple gaze into each other's eyes and Arijit Singh’s soulful voice begins to fill the air. Thus, bringing us to the second musical input of this movie.
Plot 4: Love Is In The Air
Movie: Hum Kisi Se Kum Nahi
Location: Palace of The Golden Horses
Original location:
Following Rahul and Anjali’s meet, the couple have now fallen in love. With that, alas, it is now time for the families to familiarise themselves. Rahul tries to impress Anjali’s slightly kiasu Singaporean-residing dad by inviting him to one of the most exclusive hotels in Malaysia, Palace of The Golden Horses.
Plot 5: She said yes!
Movie: Dil Maange More
Location: Bukit Tinggi
Original location:
After spending some time with Anjali’s dad, Rahul has now finally earned his trust. Anjali’s dad approves of their love. Rahul then takes Anjali for a getaway to Bukit Tinggi’s French Village, as he is forbidden to set foot in France itself, as well, he still is an international criminal, yeah.
Here, Rahul proposes to Anjali via a massive flash mob. And as Anjali says yes, they break out into….. yet another dance sequence, of course!
Plot 6: Wedding Bells
Movie: Yaadein and RoyLocation: Langkawi
Original location:
Rahul and Anjali soon travel to Langkawi for their island wedding. While in Langkawi, Rahul regrets his past, and seeks to move on by getting hitched. However, little does he know…Plot 7: Tables Turned
Movie: DonLocation: Langkawi
Original location:
Anjali gets Rahul to meet her at Panorama Langkawi (because talking it out in a normal location is just so un-Bollywood) as she has a confession. Rahul, the once criminal mastermind, is now blurred by his love for Anjali, and goes for the meet anyway.However, instead of finding Anjali, he finds her dad waiting. As it turned out, Rahul was set up, as Anjali’s dad happens to work for the crime branch. A scuffle breaks out between the two. Nevertheless, backup arrives, and Rahul is soon arrested by the local police.
In the end, Anjali and her dad worked brilliantly to bring down Rahul. But, having escaped prison once, who is to say Rahul would not be able to do it again. As for why not just put a bullet in his head and end it? Well, because it's Bollywood :)
So there you have it guys, how to shoot your very own Bollywood movie, right here, in Malaysia. Not only would us Malaysians get a chance to rub shoulders with the A-listers, but above all else, you do not have to leave behind your comfort of mamak.
Perhaps with time, we might be able to turn SRK into a fan of maggi goreng tambah pedas tak nak sayur, and teh tarik of course.