Once every four years, the world gathers for the most anticipated football event of the year.

The FIFA World Cup is finally kicking off in a few hours’ time and everyone has their schedules for the rest of the month cleared out to make room for some live football action.

But if you have yet to catch on the fever, chances are that you’re not a football fan. Then, you might be able to relate to some of these things over the next few weeks.

#1 You cannot meet at places where you cannot watch football

This is the time when everybody just wants to hang out at the mamak and you cannot seem to comprehend what the big deal is all about.

If you arrange for supper at a kopitiam or mamak which only has a small TV with bad audio, it is very likely that nobody will come.

Why must you watch football at a random shop in the middle of the night when you can watch it at home where you’re comfortable and you can be as loud as you want?

#2 You don’t understand all the cheering and shouting

Speaking of being loud, watching 22 men run around a large field and trying to chase one ball confuses you.

The fact that you can hear people shouting – whether few doors away at home or at the mamak – while watching these men confuses you even more.

More importantly, how do these people have the energy to scream and shout at such ungodly hours on a weeknight?

#3 Your birthday/anniversary falls on World Cup and nobody cares

Let’s all have a moment of silence for you if you’re an unfortunate victim of this.

We’re already celebrating Hari Raya at the same time when the World Cup is taking place this time around so that’s already more distraction than most of your football fanatic friends are willing to tolerate.

But if you ask for more, like a fancy dinner and drinks after to celebrate you, sorry to say but you will probably end up at the mamak again (refer to point #1) because your family and friends need to save their energy before the next big game.

#4 You have no one else to talk to about non-football stuff

Like it or not, World Cup talk is all you’re going to hear for the next few weeks.

Who scored last night, who is playing tonight, who got trashed, fouls, penalties, the list goes on and there is nothing you can do about it.

So this is a good time for you to catch up on all your Netflix series or Korean dramas while the rest of the world watches football.

#5 You keep making unwelcome comments

If you were somehow dragged to watch a game, it is only natural to want to contribute in the conversation because you don’t want to feel left out.

Since everybody is talking about it, might as well join in, right?

But if you don’t follow football, you will probably become the annoying one asking one too many questions or saying things like, “Why can’t he just kick the ball in?” or “Is Cristiano Ronaldo playing now?”

The next thing you know, nobody is asking you out anymore until the World Cup is over.

#6 You don’t understand why it is unbearable to miss even one match

Live sports is a big deal.

It is not the same as watching the latest movie one day later than everyone else and trying to keep away from spoilers because everyone will be spoiling the game for you almost instantly on social media anyway.

Football is one of the events that is best enjoyed while it is happening. Almost no one ever watches a delayed telecast, unless they really want to analyse the match down to every move.

So for the next few weeks, you will have to tahan if someone politely refuses your offer to catch a late-night movie because they want to watch a game between two countries you’ve never even heard of face off.

Especially when the quarter-finals, semi-finals and finals happen, don’t even think about organising anything other than football viewing parties.

#7 You temporarily lose your boyfriend/husband/BFF

Now this is where it gets serious. It is nothing personal, but you should know that you must not be a distraction to your significant other during this entire World Cup season.

Don’t start any argument, don’t fight over the remote control, don’t stop them from napping before a game, don’t stop them from waking up at 2am, don’t ask questions if you don’t have important information to share (refer to point # 5).

Just be extra patient during this period of time and they will come back to you before you know it.

#8 You become a one-time supporter

Finally, if you can’t beat them, join them.

The World Cup happens just once every four years anyway and you will probably be sucked into the hype for a short while. So just pick a team and stick with them until they get kicked out win.

If you don’t know which country to support, do a bit of research on the previous winners and choose one!

Where will you be watching the FIFA World Cup this year?